dabastage

well, it was worth the risk, but still i fear the worst everytime she leaves.... and the thought of "will that be the last i see of her" is never far from my mind. very few people have been or ever will be capable of making me truely happy, if i loose her again, the pain will be worse than the first time.

Current Mood: worried

i wanted so bad to kiss her tonight, and i almost did several times, great idea.... instead i just tickled her, or grinned childishly like a moron. the issues involved with this are many, but, being the idiot that i am, i have gone past the point of worrying about them. if i had kissed her it could have gone realy good... or devastatingly bad... and im to much of a loner to know the difference in what a woman wants, and what a woman wants to happen... to top it off, i have no idea where the point is where it becomes worth it to risk friendship for love... in matters of the heart, it helps to have one i guess, as cold as i am, and as heartless as i can be, youde think i wouldnt even care.... problem is, youde be wrong

What Gun Are You?
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so, it amazes me just how screwed up sleep can be. im always tired when i need to be alert, and always alert when i need to be sleepy... is ity possible to be both an insomniac and narcaleptic?? so here i am at 8am, i should have been asleep an hour ago in order to gert the full 8, and i should have been asleep at 4 in order to keep to what has become my normal schedule. but i got tired around midnight, woke up around 4, and now im just dazy, not nescisarily sleepy, just haveing the effects of no sleep. even when i do fall asleep i dont stay that way, i havent had a full 8 no matter what time ive been to bed in months... ive tried sleeping pills, alcohal, counting sheep, and more or less everything ive ever heard of that was supposed to make you sleep. none of it seems to be working, so i ask you, the lj community that may or may not be reading this... any suggestions???

so saturdays realy suck hehe, after an entire week of working the evenings, saturday is a morning shift, and try as i may, try as i might, sleep is just impossible, so in a sleep deprived stupor i stumble into work to beg people for money over the phone for a cause i dispise... but after its done its comatose for me, unless i go to game, then its comatose for my brain only while i act like a vampire for 4 hours... lol, i wonder if anyone knows there is actually a difference between me at game, and me anywhere else... probably not, maybe theres no difference at all... i think there is, but ask anyone who knows me lol, im probably not smart enough to notice anyway

PS sleep dep will make you ramble, so ill re-read this later and see just how dumb i sound hehe

Bloodlust Fighter

You are Bloodlust Fighter. Everything for the
battle. Anything for the victory. In battle you
are zealot of Vengeance
and Violence. You forget about anything. There is
nothing but you, your weapon and the enemies.
Many enemies.
Who deserved to die by your hand. Lives of your
comrades, your master are useless. You will let
them die if it means
the victory. Victory that will fulfil your thurst
for it.


::What kind of Samurai you are?::
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Which Family Guy character are you?

man just once i want something to fuckin go right... every plan ive ever made, alone or with help always gets fucked up by circumstance... i cant seem to do anything right and its realy pissing me off, its not for lack of effort... i swear, either i fight my fate and loose, or i accept it and loose... how can one win when it seems as though fate itself is your lifelong adversary... if it had a face ide break it, or a throat ide slit it, but how does one kill something with no for, or hurt something thats intangible... how does one change the mind of something mindless????? in short.. im screwed

well to start, i still have my job, and it still sux...
i was at work today and got no pledges at all, it realy wouldnt have bothered me much save all the comments from my co-workers rather pissed me off... but what stands out about today is that while attempting to get myself in a better mood, i tried the keep a happy thought route.... which only served to piss me off more and be rather depressing... i couldnt find one... absolutly none at all... it seems that despite my best efforts, every facet of my life sux massive ass. my love life... read previous posts... my private life... non-existent... my home life... i live in a 2 bedroom appartment with 9 people, and half of them i cant stand at all, let alone like living with, good friends... a good thought save that whenever thinking on the subject, the many recent betrayals ive dealt with only serve to depress me more... and the knowledge that in a show of at least trying for no hard feelings, i sent my ex a happy birthday email, and didnt even get the benefit of a thank you... very depressing there... so all in all my life still fucking sux, and it seems no matter what i do to try and fix it, it either doesnt work, or it makes things worse... dammit, in a world where people get shot every day, why am i forced to remain among the living.....

Your Heart is Black


What Color is Your Heart?
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Darkness. You Truly Desire Darkness. You wish
everyone around you was either dead, or
worshipping you. To you, life is not a gift,
but a punishment. You have no consideration for
others and do as you please.

PLEASE RATE


What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
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You're Mother Night!

by Kurt Vonnegut

Nobody knows what to believe about you, and you know least of all. You
spent most of your time convinced that the ends justify the means, but your means were,
well, downright mean! And the end is nigh. Meanwhile all you want is to travel back in
time, if not to change, then to just delight in the way it used to be. You are who you
pretend to be. Oh yes, you're the great pretender.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Vampire: A creature of the night, you feed off the
blood of human beings to survive. You often
times feel like an outsider looking in on the
living. Just on the edge, but never fully a
part of the life you left behind when you where
embraced. You are a predator, and people are
your prey. You have all the time in the world
to plan out your un-life, but your sensations
are a pale mockery of what you once had in all
things save one, the feeding, the embrace, the
feel of blood as it flows into your body to
sustain you. It is the one thing that you can
feel fully, and you cling to it.


What type of World of Darkness Creature Are You?
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so im sitting at home and a friend of mine comes over after haveing a fight involving a former friend, his supposed fiancee, and the girl that has us all so wound up. apparently my former friend became violent due to current actions being taken by the girl in question, and as i understand it she has decided to date yet another friend of mine... not that i didnt see this one comming... truth is i saw it comming long before the possibility seemed to exist... so back to my former friend, he is a coward in every sence i can think of... not only would he not face me when i became violent in the same situation, but when it was his turn to become violent over it, he blamed it on a non-existent personality disorder.... get over yourself man, for all your bullshit talk about peace, and never harming another human... you are just as fucked up in the head as the rest of us, only you are to cowardly to cop to it, and as far as the newest in a line of betrayers.... you lied, deal with it

Your heart hides a Lonely demon. You have been
betrayed or just left to yourself at some point
in your life (probably during your childhood).
And now you hate this world and don't want to
have anything to do with it. People usually
pass you by, unaware of your inner pain, and
this makes you mad at them. You probably
secretly wish you were as anyone else but, you
will never be, you will probably stay an
outcast all your life.
You probably found a way to escape this cold world,
either sex & drugs, or writing poems &
listening to sad music. Loner demons usually
get along with Sex demons, but wish they could
get some too.


Which demon does your heart hide?
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well valentines day is once again comming upon me, and yet again as in so many years past, save 2, i will be single.... i hate this fucking holiday, it is supposed to be a day of love and being with your s/o, but it is nothing but an entire day devoted to reminding me that im a pathetic looser, and that the only thing awaiting my love life is the painfull lonliness of living it by myself.... and once again i think of my ex... try as i might i cannot stop thinking of her and its realy pissing me off. she has long since stopped thinking of me im sure, if she even bothered thinking of me past the night she broke up with me. it was one of those breakups where you go to feel the pain of being quickly replaced. fun.......... i was replaced by my best friend, and then after they broke up, and it seemed for a few days me and my beloved ex would get back together and i could be happy, and preferably be the one to make her happy... another one of my closest friends stepped in to stop it, and at the time, his well-being was the only reason she would give about not getting back together with me... and valentines day will forever remind me that i was denied the only real happiness i ever knew, by someone who was supposed to be my friend